TRAINSPOTTING

CHOOSE LIFE. CHOOSE A JOB. CHOOSE A CAREER. CHOOSE A FAMILY. CHOOSE A FUCKIN BIG TELEVISION. CHOOSE WASHING MACHINES, CARS, COMPACT DISC PLAYERS AND ELECTRICAL TIN OPENERS… CHOOSE DIY AND WONDERING WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE ON A SUNDAY MORNING. CHOOSE SITTING ON THAT COUCH WATCHING MIND-NUMBING, SPIRIT CRUSHING GAME SHOWS, STUFFING JUNK FOOD INTO YOUR MOUTH. CHOOSE ROTTING AWAY AT THE END OF IT ALL, PISHING YOUR LAST IN A MISERABLE HOME, NOTHING MORE THAN AN EMBARRASSMENT TO THE SELFISH, FUCKED UP BRATS YOU SPAWNED TO REPLACE YOURSELF. CHOOSE YOUR FUTURE.CHOOSE LIFE… BUT WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO A THING LIKE THAT?



I remember when I first saw television , it was black and white... in the late 70’s I’d go for holidays to my grandparents countryside house in the Center of Portugal with no bathroom, just a wood house with a hole to use for our basic needs. To wash ourselves we would warm up some water in the stowe, this water was coming from the village’s fountain, there was no electricity in the house and at night we would use some candles or petrol lamps to read, to sow, to play cards, to talk… This was the scenery 7 years after the revolution.
Portugal had a dictator that kept the country undeveloped, forbiding people to think and speak of whatever was different to his ideology. His followers were kick off from the Government 14 months after my birth on the 25th of April 1974.

I remember as a child feeling unconfortable when my teacher would beat us when we did mistakes or knocking with my colleague’s head on the blackboard because he had difficulties to learn and he was the only black person in the classroom!

I remember that the same teacher would discriminate the most intelligent and bright colleagues, also the ones that had more money to buy nice exercise books and pens.
I remember being afraid of asking her to go to the bathroom.
I remember feeling different and alone.
I remember then making friendships with and support the excluded ones. Since then I kept within myself this feeling and concern towards the different people..

I remember being discriminated by other children because I dressed differently as my family didn’t have much money… Sometimes my mother or someone known would do me a dress or a new piece of clothes.

I felt differently allthroughout my adolescence and I didn’t believe in belonging to a group if bellonging would mean to do somethings that i didn’t believe in, just because everybody does it or you look cool to others’ eyes if you do it.
I remember enjoying diversity of friends, of worlds, of knowledge.
I remember being interested in so many different topics that I didn’t felt good enough in any.So I kept on going reasearching people!
I remember not understanding hierarchies and the reasons of its existence.

I remember not understanding formalities.

I remember deciding to start to work with 18 years old so that I could pay my university studies.
I remember analysing and testing people with my appearance, i’d enter in a fancy clothes house wearing jeans with holes and I’d receive a rude treatment if I’d enter in the same shop with formal clothes I’d receive a nice treatment
I remember my silence was sometimes not confortable to others.
I remember that my nonformality was sometimes not confortable to others.
I remember how much the world didn’t notice me but I was happy with that, as we have so many egos playing and stealing a place on the world’s life stage.

I remember started to study & do my university written work with type writers, I remember started to work with very basic computers, when I look back 15 years I feel astonished by the evolution of technology.
During University I didn’t understand colleagues that would try to take advantage of you and make you work for them in teamprojects, That did the course, copying, cheating and not being able to think for themselves or even worrying about responsabilities.

I remember buying my first record with my first salary…

I remember having strong beliefs and being faithful to them.

I remember how my feelings were always passionated and strong.

I remember not being attached to matterial things.

I remember having deep considerations about the true meaning of life and thinking that there should be more than studying, finding a job, a boyfriend, getting married, having children...

I remember never being happy enough with myself and with the world.

I remember being too much sensitive.

Something was not right. I always wanted something different. Something else. As my mother says the things that are important to me are not important to the others.

So there were many things that I could never explain and I’ll never will. Logic has its limits, but actions can express a lot about your life philosophy.

Since early age I understood I would never look for recognition, I’d never nourish my ego. But still it has been a difficult fight but now it’s the moment to announce the biggest victory of my life: the death of my ego some weeks ago on the 5th of March of 2007. I feel now in sintony with myself & with the world!

Many persons helped me with such small gestures or words that had made me think during this long hard and painful process of reaching my inner peace and my real freedom.

Someone I knew recently helped me to discover that loving yourself and the others is not enough as you are part of a wider perspective and we all need absolutely to reconnect our spirits with nature & world through unconditional love energy.

Another very special person gave me the last pieces of my puzzle, triggering my mind about the meaning of my daily routine gestures and the reasons behind them, conducting me to reflect on the meaning of the pratice of love in action in our real world...
And all this enlighted contributions made me complete officially the philosophy of the house of happiness project.. My very new professional & life project that puts together personal, community and sustainable development. Integrated knowledge & life experience for everybody!

“THE FUTURE IS NOT SOME PLACE WE ARE GOING BUT ONE WE ARE CREATING.
THE PATHS ARE NOT TO BE FOUND BUT MADE.
AND THE ACTIVITY OF MAKING THEM CHANGES BOTH MAKER AND THEIR DESTINATION.”
JOHN SCHAAR.

And this was one of the most beautiful springs of my life!